My wife and I tried Staging which 72% of women say = more intense orgasms
By Jack Harris
After 5 years of marriage my wife decided that she just could not orgasm during sex (or with me doing the touching, really.)
Believe it or not, my wife's "I can't get there" declaration brought some relief. No more pressure, but still, it stung.
As a software engineer, if something's broken, you bet I want to fix it!
Online, it felt like I was on a wild goose chase through a jungle of crazy advice. Reddit, I’m looking at you.
Then I came across OMGYES - a website created in partnership with Yale and IU researchers. It was like an encyclopedia of female sexual pleasure.
Not just "How to orgasm" or "How to make a woman finish" but more "This is generally how women experience pleasure" with different first-hand experiences from MANY women and of all ages.
Enter OMGYES. What is it?
Here’s their intro video:
There are like 100s of techniques. One that stood out for me, personally: Staging.
Staging is all about moving through the different stages of arousal and OMGYES outlines 6 stages. I learned how common it is for men to rush to penetration and I had no idea how slow and deliberate one needs to be when working on the ramp-up. It turns out that 77% of women say the more intense orgasms result from spending more time to build up arousal, bit by bit.
OMGYES has this simulator where you can actually practice a technique on a vagina (sounds weird, I know!) I often would try to speed up too quickly or change up what I was doing too early. It's pretty easy for me to just rush to orgasm, so learning to slow down has made sex so much more enjoyable for both of us.
Our road test
So I took some of what I learned from Staging and we tried it out.
We cracked open a bottle of wine, put on some Maroon 5 (don’t judge me) and got busy.
To build anticipation I tried a combination of what OMGYES describes as ‘Feather-light Touch’ and ‘Avoidance’. I stroked the back of her arm with a finger tip so lightly that I was barely even touching her skin. And instead of moving straight to touching her nipples or between her legs I traced lines all over her body and meandered past any sensitive bits.
It didn’t take long before we ramped up to the Warm-Up Phase and I felt like I had this whole range of new things to try and switch to if my wife signaled it wasn’t doing it for her.
It was incredible.
It’s not so much that all the moves were completely new. But I now knew that there were different stages of my wife’s arousal. AND after seeing so many women unashamedly share their experiences; my wife felt confident in directing me.
According to one of the women on OMGYES, it’s not that her husband was doing “a wrong move”, it’s just the wrong timing. She said “What he does feels good, but not until a certain point and I’m ready for it. I can see why he does that move because I do really like that sometimes.”
This was a breakthrough for the both of us.
For years, we were both putting so much pressure on ourselves: chasing her orgasm and feeling like something was missing. The truth was that we just needed some practical advice on how to put it all together. My wife wasn’t broken and I wasn’t “bad at sex”. We finally could work together to discover what turns her on.
Should you try it?
If you’re a woman or a man having a relationship with a woman, this is a good investment.
Now that I've tried OMGYES, I'm more patient in my experiences with my partner and always put her pleasure over my own. My wife always finishes first if either of us finish at all. Sex doesn't have to end in orgasm for either of us anymore, and that can be just as enjoyable as when it does.
OMGYES really opened a door for my partner and me. Our sex life has never been better and it's still steadily improving.
Based on our experience, I’d recommend OMGYES to anyone who cares about their relationship and wants to understand their partner better.